A Heart Attack? Say What?

On this day last year I experienced pain in my chest and numbness in my arm which sent up warning signs and caused me to leave church in the middle of youth and go straight to the emergency room. After various tests and a couple days in the hospital the doctor told us: "you had a small blockage in a small artery that caused a small heart attack." At the young age of 36 I did not believe that I would hear those words. The doctors were baffled and could only speculate that it could have been caused by lack of exercise, bad eating habits, or undue stress. I tend to believe it was probably a combination of the three-although I think stress had a lot to do with it. But I'm not a doctor so what do I know. Ultimately it was "probably" not life threatening because according to the doctors I would probably would have had chest pains for a few days and then be back to normal :) That was very comforting to hear (insert sarcastic sigh or eye roll here if you wish because you know I did)

I believe that God was sending me a message that day in many ways. Here are reflections of a few things that I have learned since that day:

1. I learned to eat better. I have a very high metabolism (thank you Grandpa Heflick) that allowed me to eat unhealthy, eat whatever I wanted, and eat whatever tasted good (usually fast food) without worrying about it affecting "my figure." Joseph Nader told me shortly after the heart incident that I should look at eating as simply sustaining me for what I needed to do for God and my family each day and not focus on how good it tasted. I didn't like hearing that because it meant cutting out fast food as much as possible but Joseph is a wise "old man" so I listened and as a family we are eating healthier. We still have a ways to go, but we are doing a lot better.

2. I learned the importance of exercise. I knew it was important, I just didn't do it often enough, and I even struggled with getting into a routine once I got clearance from the doctor, probably because I did not work out very often until this year. Sure I had times where I exercised but not nearly enough. What I have found is that I still don't love exercise but as long as I have music, I'm okay with it.  I do like that it has helped with my energy level and I sleep better at night. It simply took getting into a routine of exercising that has allowed me to look forward to it each day.

3. I learned to let go of some things. I believe that stress had a great deal to do with my heart attack. I like to be in control of things and for the first time in a long time I was not in control. I wanted to text the youth and let them know what was going on while I was still in the hospital. Margret ripped my phone out of my hands (okay not really) but she did ask for my phone and politely tell me that I would not be texting anyone. When Suzy and Doug came to check in on me they told me they would help keep the youth informed because that was not my job at that time. My job was to get better for me and my family. Needless to say that I was not happy about their forcefulness but it is what needed to happen and I am grateful for their insistence. Amy, Margret, the adult volunteers, and the youth prayed over a prayer shawl for us and that was very meaningful. Over the last year I have been better about trusting others to help me with certain things and realizing that although they may not be done exactly the way that I would do them they will get done and it will work out great. The outpouring of support and prayers was amazing. I cannot possibly mention everyone by name but just know the prayers and support were appreciated.

4. Most importantly, I learned more about what is most important. I learned to treat each day as a gift because you don't know what tomorrow holds. I remember coming home from the hospital and kneeling on Courtney's bedroom floor and hugging Courtney and Carson and that is when I think everything hit me. I began crying and realized that I had never been so grateful for the opportunity to simply hug my kids and hug my wife. I had never been so grateful to put our kids to bed. I realized that I should not take those small moments for granite because they are not small moments, they are special moments that mean the world to me. Bedtime has taken on way more meaning this last year. Even if each night Courtney asks me to sing the same three songs (Jesus Loves Me, Sunshine, and Monster) But hey, at least she no longer asks me to sing Let it Go. Treasure those moments with your loved ones because they are special, you don't know how many you have, and you can never have enough of them.

I am kind of stubborn. I think God was trying to tell me to slow down and appreciate what matters the most and take better care of myself and my family. Maybe having a minor heart attack was the best way to get my attention, maybe it was the only way. I am grateful for what I have learned from it.

Grace & Peace
Kevin

Finish the Race

"Do you see what this means-all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Start running and never quit. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished the race we're in."
~Hebrews 12:1-2 (MSG)

Carson completed his first triathlon this weekend that was organized and put on by the Hood County YMCA and we are so proud of him for competing. There was a lot of work from volunteers and others that made it possible. Carson had fun and was really excited and tired when he finished. It was amazing to see.

I believe he was able to finish for three reasons. First, he trained. Kathy and I trained with Carson to get him ready by swimming, biking, and running with him. (Kathy more so than me) Sometimes he didn't want to train or complained about it but he pushed through did it almost every time. Second, he had support and encouragement along the way. On race day, as family we were not able to bike or run with him. Although I would have liked to be with him it was okay that I wasn't. Our family and friends came to wish him well at the beginning of the race and congratulate him when he finished. Along the way there were over a hundred YMCA volunteers who helped him and cheered him on from beginning to end. Third, he had to set his eyes on the finish. The goal was to reach the finish line and because of training and encouragement he reached that goal.

I believe that our faith is very similar. In order to get to the finish, or where we want to be, we must train. We must pray, study, read, worship, serve, and surround ourselves with other believers (and non-believers) to strengthen our faith. It is also important to have support and encouragement along the way. The book of Hebrews talks about being surrounded by a cloud of witnesses and others cheering us on. Both of these are important. We must learn from others who have been on their faith journey longer than we have and we must have people supporting us as we continue to grow. I would not be in seminary and on the path to ordination without learning from people like Rod, Dixie, and Boyd. I would not be on this path without the support of my family and friends. (In fear of forgetting someone I will not list the numerous names here :)  Lately I have kind of chuckled when someone says "Rev Kev" but I would not be on this path without the support of loved ones. I must run the race with perseverance with my eyes fixed upon Jesus. That is the goal. The training and support and encouragement allows me to continue to strive to reach that goal of knowing Jesus.

I believe my faith is a lot like Carson and his triathlon. In order for me to grow in faith I need to train and have support and encouragement so I can reach my ultimate goal. In order for Carson to finish the race he needed to train and he needed the support and encouragement of others. He got that support and encouragement and he finished the race. One day I will finish the race too...and I'm not talking about an actual foot race, because I am not a runner.

I'm proud of Carson for finishing the first of what I hope are many races.

Grace & Peace
Kevin

Get Your Guns Up

In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians he speaks about the gift of love: love never ends.  For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face.  Now I only know in part; then will I know fully, even as I have been fully known.  And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Sometimes there are no words to express how we are feeling, but with the help of those closest to Courtney we are going to try.  Something that Courtney was very passionate about is the love she showed for her friends.  The following are some words from Courtney’s friends who are not only her friends, they are her family.

The thing I remember most about Courtney is that she was always smiling and always so welcoming. I had only met her parents in passing until just over a year ago. Courtney invited us over to their house in Granbury so my son Carson could swim. They were so welcoming and friendly.  Debi watched my young daughter and John answered every little question my son asked about the dock, the lake, and how many steps there were.  Debi and John were so welcoming to all of Courtney’s friends.  They would even say: “Oh Courtney doesn't have to be there just come over anytime. You're always welcome at our house.”  I know that is who Courtney got her personality and welcoming spirit from.

Courtney's big personality came together so perfectly with her love for her friends, animals, and children.  It was hard to have this special quality go unnoticed.  Her thoughtfulness was off the charts.  She would buy what seemed like random gifts for people, except they weren’t random at all.  Whether it was an inflatable chair (that ended up being a couch), a pair of earrings, a home made texas tech bowl, or a Texas Tech onesie she would always find a gift that was meaningful.  She loved her dog Darcy and was a wonderful mom to that dog that had special needs.  She was generous, which showed in her volunteer work in the cocker spaniel rescue foundation and the Junior League.  She was the cool aunt to everyone’s children.  She loved them all.  She would visit them when they were born, sit down on the floor and play with them, and give them gifts.  She was Aunt Courtney.  She even bought a couple of Texas Longhorns onesies along the way to support her friends and her friends wives.  Although she did tell me that I was never allowed to put my son in the Longhorn onesie, only my wife could.

Courtney always said what needed to be said that no one else wanted to say. It was what we were all thinking but too scared to come out and say in public. We loved her for that.  It could be something as simple as: you need to take a look at your hair because it’s a mess, or “Let’s go, I scored us a limo” at a bachelorette party, or you need to get in a better mood because after all you’re hanging out with me.  Or it could be something as profound as saying to a friend: “I found your future husband, he’s perfect for you.”  As we know the rest is history with that statement.

She was always the one that would say "yes, I'll go". Go to Ruidoso for a ski trip, go to dinner, go to chapter, go start a new sorority with you, even. That is Courtney, she was always with you, always there at everything you needed her to be.  Once again, Courtney was always the one who was always there wanting to have fun with you with a big smile on her face the whole way.

She was always there for her friends.  Whether is was helping someone through a difficult time or making sure to help put a smile on someone’s face when they needed it.  When she went to weddings she was almost always a bridesmaid because she was everyone’s best friend.  And you always found her on the dance floor.  You could not help but smile when you were around her.  Whether she was telling jokes or sending funny, yet sometimes slightly inappropriate text messages just to make sure someone was having a good day.

Courtney was unapologetically passionate.  If she loved something, you knew it immediately and without question.  Her loyalty was unmatched.  One thing you knew without question was she loved Texas Tech.  The former chancellor at Texas Tech knew of this love so much that he called Stephen to express his condolences and sent flowers.  And one day she met President George W. Bush.  And she asked him to do this (get guns up)  She couldn’t even say get your guns up, because he’s the president and the secret service were right there.  He refused.  So she asked again.  He refused.  Then she took a little step back and asked again with a look of “who are you, to not do this for me.”  So there's a picture of Courtney and President Bush with his guns up

She was funny, courageous, beautiful, carefree and honest. She was always there, always in your life at all times. That is why it is so hard to say goodbye. She was a big smiling fixture in your life that never went away. You always knew that if something was going on, she would be there; smiling with her guns up in the air.

I want to close by sharing a word from her lifelong friend Jennifer:

The last time I saw Court was at my house, right when she was getting ready to be in Houston, she was so excited for this new opportunity.  I kept reluctantly saying goodbye but Courtney kept saying “this isn’t goodbye, it’s just see you later.”  Total cliché but I felt in my heart that it was a true goodbye.  Looking back, it was unreal, poignant and foreshadowing.  The feelings I feel today are that selfishly I still want her a text message away, just like we were, even though in my heart I know that this new chapter for Courtney is better than anything you and I could ever imagine.  I know that we will have a beautiful reunion in heaven, she will be waiting with everyone else, and tell me "I told ya...it was just see ya later."

...and she will be right.

It is tough now, but there is hope.  There is hope in the fact we are all better people for having Courtney in our lives.  This is hope that we will see her again in heaven smiling, saying I told you so, with her guns up in all her glory.  After all, who in the world could get the President George W. Bush to “Get his guns up?”  Courtney Weaver could.

We love you, we miss you, and we will never forget you. One more time for Courtney: get your guns up.

Help Along the Way

     I got an acceptance letter from Brite Divinity School a couple of weeks ago, so it is official.  I will be attending Brite in the fall and beginning the process of becoming a full fledged pastor in the United Methodist Church.  I couldn't be more excited about this opportunity to grow.  I have been in ministry in one way or another since I was in high school and will continue to be in ministry as long as humanly possible.  Going to Brite and becoming a pastor is the next step in my process in ministry.  I am continuing to grow spiritually and will continue to do so as the time goes on.
     I am grateful to my family and those in ministry who I have worked with who have helped me along the way, a special thank you to the Andersons, the Knox Clan, Keith Wiseman, Dixie Robertson, Rod Bishop, Boyd Goodloe, Terry Lopez, Shawna Brinkley, Joseph Nader, Margret Fields, and Chris Mesa.  I have had conversations with each of you at some point about the ministry you have been involved in and that has helped shape me and realize that I am called to full time ministry.  I could not ask for better friends and mentors in ministry than you.  So thank you.  I would ask love to send you all a gift card but Rod Bishop has already requested a $200 Sonic Gift Card for helping me with mission trip van rentals, so I'll have to work on that first :)
     To my family: Kathy, thank you for going on that mission trip in 2005 as a youth director (and bringing your parents with you) so we could meet.  And thank you for the gentle nudges and constant support.  This truly is a family calling.  Jason, thank you for not so subtly telling me to take that intern job in Houston because and I quote: "you know that's what you want to do forever."  And just to let everyone know, Jason was the most excited when I told him I was going to begin studying to become a pastor.  Stephanie, I'm glad I got to go on countless youth ski trips, mission trips, etc with you growing up.  And no, I haven't grown up yet so you'll have to go on more I guess.  Mom, thank you for always supporting me no matter what I did or what I choose to do.  Dad, thank you for allowing me to choose my own path and for being proud of me.  It means the world to me.  Rick, I'm glad you have a higher opinion of me than when we first met.  It's great to know that there is someone out there who was just like me growing up, I hope twenty years from now I can be just like you are today.  Doris, thank you for supporting me while Kathy and I were dating, engaged, and now married (and for always making queso at family get togethers cuz everything is better with queso)  Andy and Misty, thank you for your wit and telling it how it is.  I am very proud of you for what you are doing right now.
     To my friends, although you all know you are family to me.  Keith, thank you for having that conversation with me on a youth ski trip long ago about ministry.  You were the best interim youth director ever.  Dixie, thank you for showing me how to be compassionate and respectful to others even when it was hard.  Rod, thank you for showing me how to be "cool" as a youth director and yet still have a passion for youth and for Christ.  I don't know how you put up with me for so long, and I guess you still are.  Boyd (and Julie), thank you for the opportunity to serve as a small group leader in Lubbock and as an intern in Houston.  Without your push I don't know if I would have gone down this path so.....let's say quickly.  Terry, thank you for being.....well you. (and for your wit and sarcasm)  Shawna, thank you for being the first person I worked with who decided to go into ministry as a career and for taking on a new challenge at a new church.  I truly am proud of you.  Joseph, thank you for showing me how to be a pastor who could be a friend, mentor, and still devoted to his calling.  Margret, thank you for being a friend in missions and youth who never wavered in your confidence of my abilities even when I did.  And for helping me to see that something great can come out of something unforeseen.  Rocking out and head banging at Skillet and TobyMac concerts is just an added bonus.  Chris, thank you for being a mentor and a coach.  I really enjoy being coached.  I can't thank all the youth, volunteers, and others who have worked with just know that I am grateful to all of you.  To all of you: thank you for being there when I needed you at the right time in my life and always being a friend.
     I am ready for the next step in the process and ready for the challenge with the knowledge that I will succeed thanks to those "church workers"who have helped me in church ministry along the way.  I look forward to sharing this journey with all of you with the knowledge that I am who I am in church work because of your help and guidance.  I am truly blessed.

Grace & Peace
Kevin

Why Am I a Broncos Fan..Ask Grandpa

While going through pictures to post one on Facebook for mothers day I came across this picture:

It is a picture of me with Grandpa and Grandma's dog Blecka in the backyard of their house in Aurora, Colorado.  You can even see some of Grandpa's garden in the picture.  Here is what I remember about this picture.  The picture was taken in 1987 and the broncos shirt I am wearing was one that Grandpa let me pick out.  Grandpa used to take my brother Jason and I to the mall down the street to let us pick out a broncos shirt everytime we visited.  He would load us up in the station wagon and then he would open the back door and Blecka would jump into the car and ride to the store with us.  I remember so much black dog hair being in the back of the car after she got in but I loved that dog and so did grandpa.  We would usually wait until the day before we left, but grandpa would always take us to the store to get a broncos shirt that we wanted.  We would badger him all trip until he took us.  It was one of the highlights of our trip every time.  So if anyone is still wondering why we like the Broncos....you came blame grandpa Dick and he would be great with that.  I looked up to grandpa and his strength of character.  I have a shell casing from his memorial service that I keep with me when I need strength.  Most of all we looked up to him for the great father and grandpa that he was.  His character lives on through all of the people he loved...and so does his love for the Denver Broncos!!

Grace & Peace
Kevin

A Mixed Tape?

     I love music and music has always spoken to me in ways that other mediums.  In my personality class that I am taking our project was to create a cd (or set of cd's) that had something to do and/or explained aspects of my personality.  I found it very difficult to narrow down the song list to 15 or so.
     It was actually pretty fun.  I resisted the urge to have nothing on the cd but songs by Skillet and superhero theme songs and put some other songs on there.  I divided it into sections: my kids, my own personal youth, christian music, in the movies, and one random song.  (I picked one random song because being random is part of my personality)

Here are some highlights:
1. Monster by Skillet: in the kids section because Carson constantly asks to hear "The Incredible Hulk song."
2. Fade to Black by Metallica: in the my own personal youth section namely because of its powerful lyrics and awesome opening intro (and cuz my parents told me I couldn't listen to heavy metal bands like Metallica, so naturally I did listen to them to be rebellious)
3. American Noise by Skillet: in the Christian music section because it speaks to the distractions in life, of which there are many things that distract me.
4. Awake and Alive by Skillet: in the Christian music section because it talks about believing what you believe and being who you are as a Christian today
5. California Love by 2Pac: this is the one random and one rap song that is on my iPod.

If you picked songs to describe your life, what would you pick?  I'd be interested to see.

Grace & Peace
Kevin


     
     

Dust in the Wind

So Wednesday was Ash Wednesday which begins the season of Lent in the church calendar.  We focus on God and reflection during this time.  Originally, as a youth, I believed that I was supposed to just give something up during the lenten season.  Then I thought that I should give something up and take something else on in its place.  It wasn't until later that I realized the full meaning of giving something up for Lent was to give something up that was hindering my walk with God.  It really has a lot more meaning that way, doesn't it?

I close my eyes, only for a moment and the moment's gone

All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity

Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea

All we do, crumbles to the earth, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky

It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

~From the Song: Dust in the Wind by Kansas

For some reason unbeknownst to me I have always related the above song "Dust in the Wind" to Ash Wednesday and Genesis 3:19.  It has always just sort of made sense, which seemed weird since its seems like a depressing song.  It made a whole lot more sense after hearing Rev. Chris Mesa's devotional at our Ash Wednesday service.

Ash Wednesday will come around again next year and we will be in the same ol' spot.  We do things that we shouldn't and we refuse to see them or acknowledge them.  And we are back to reflect on them them same bat time, same bat channel next year.  Chris talked about memories and how we all have memories that sometimes need to be left in the past, we don't need to hang on to them.  We need to simply let some of those memories go, or put another way let them slip away.

"You are dust, and to dust you shall return."

~Genesis 3:19

"From dust you came and to dust you will return."

~Margret Fields while putting ashes on my forehead at the Ash Wednesday service

So we are to remember our mortality.  We are to remember that we are not perfect.  We will make mistakes, we will stumble.  I spoke to the youth on Wednesday about reflection during Lent.  I asked them to reflect on the last year and to think about how they could take a step towards God and becoming closer to God this next year.  Here's hoping that we are not hindered in our walk with God during Lent and beyond and not back in the same ol' spot next year.

Grace & Peace

Kevin