On this day last year I experienced pain in my chest and numbness in my arm which sent up warning signs and caused me to leave church in the middle of youth and go straight to the emergency room. After various tests and a couple days in the hospital the doctor told us: "you had a small blockage in a small artery that caused a small heart attack." At the young age of 36 I did not believe that I would hear those words. The doctors were baffled and could only speculate that it could have been caused by lack of exercise, bad eating habits, or undue stress. I tend to believe it was probably a combination of the three-although I think stress had a lot to do with it. But I'm not a doctor so what do I know. Ultimately it was "probably" not life threatening because according to the doctors I would probably would have had chest pains for a few days and then be back to normal :) That was very comforting to hear (insert sarcastic sigh or eye roll here if you wish because you know I did)I believe that God was sending me a message that day in many ways. Here are reflections of a few things that I have learned since that day:
1. I learned to eat better. I have a very high metabolism (thank you Grandpa Heflick) that allowed me to eat unhealthy, eat whatever I wanted, and eat whatever tasted good (usually fast food) without worrying about it affecting "my figure." Joseph Nader told me shortly after the heart incident that I should look at eating as simply sustaining me for what I needed to do for God and my family each day and not focus on how good it tasted. I didn't like hearing that because it meant cutting out fast food as much as possible but Joseph is a wise "old man" so I listened and as a family we are eating healthier. We still have a ways to go, but we are doing a lot better.
2. I learned the importance of exercise. I knew it was important, I just didn't do it often enough, and I even struggled with getting into a routine once I got clearance from the doctor, probably because I did not work out very often until this year. Sure I had times where I exercised but not nearly enough. What I have found is that I still don't love exercise but as long as I have music, I'm okay with it. I do like that it has helped with my energy level and I sleep better at night. It simply took getting into a routine of exercising that has allowed me to look forward to it each day.
3. I learned to let go of some things. I believe that stress had a great deal to do with my heart attack. I like to be in control of things and for the first time in a long time I was not in control. I wanted to text the youth and let them know what was going on while I was still in the hospital. Margret ripped my phone out of my hands (okay not really) but she did ask for my phone and politely tell me that I would not be texting anyone. When Suzy and Doug came to check in on me they told me they would help keep the youth informed because that was not my job at that time. My job was to get better for me and my family. Needless to say that I was not happy about their forcefulness but it is what needed to happen and I am grateful for their insistence. Amy, Margret, the adult volunteers, and the youth prayed over a prayer shawl for us and that was very meaningful. Over the last year I have been better about trusting others to help me with certain things and realizing that although they may not be done exactly the way that I would do them they will get done and it will work out great. The outpouring of support and prayers was amazing. I cannot possibly mention everyone by name but just know the prayers and support were appreciated.
4. Most importantly, I learned more about what is most important. I learned to treat each day as a gift because you don't know what tomorrow holds. I remember coming home from the hospital and kneeling on Courtney's bedroom floor and hugging Courtney and Carson and that is when I think everything hit me. I began crying and realized that I had never been so grateful for the opportunity to simply hug my kids and hug my wife. I had never been so grateful to put our kids to bed. I realized that I should not take those small moments for granite because they are not small moments, they are special moments that mean the world to me. Bedtime has taken on way more meaning this last year. Even if each night Courtney asks me to sing the same three songs (Jesus Loves Me, Sunshine, and Monster) But hey, at least she no longer asks me to sing Let it Go. Treasure those moments with your loved ones because they are special, you don't know how many you have, and you can never have enough of them.
I am kind of stubborn. I think God was trying to tell me to slow down and appreciate what matters the most and take better care of myself and my family. Maybe having a minor heart attack was the best way to get my attention, maybe it was the only way. I am grateful for what I have learned from it.
Grace & Peace
Kevin
